an interesting side effect of going through the last few weeks of trauma has been that i am quite raw - all my emotions are very very close to the surface and that layer of protection which normally prevents you from expressing your sadness, irritation or tempers down your joyful abandon that makes others uncomfortable, has been stripped away. as a result i find myself one moment laughing at something or enjoying God in worship and the next biting someone's head off for a comment which otherwise might have been endearing or ignorable.

i suppose this is all fairly normal, but also means that people have to bear with me a little bit more than usual.

i have also discovered that there are people who listen and people who launch into their own stories or their own thoughts on how you might feel - much better to ask 'how you doing?' and sit back and wait for an answer (and be ready to deal with it) than assume how i am feeling about one thing or another. i am really learning that there is no 'normal' way to deal with things like this (in fact Q and I deal quite differently with it all), we just have to learn to listen to ourself and accept the feelings that bubble their way to the surface, for hopefully they will tell us something of what is going on in the depths of the soul.

it is also interesting to see those who can walk with you deeply in these moments and those who cannot. that those who accompany you in distress and pray with you as well as for you, cannot necessarily be anticipated.

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