22.1.09

i wish i was perfect





since last week the scratchy throat developed into full blown snotty cold - and it really does not want to go away.

anyway, i had this weird thought yesterday that i thought i'd share with you all, it went something like this - 'i wish i was perfect'. i don't think i've ever thought that before, you know, i know that being complete/perfect is our hope, that's what will happen in the end and we're in the process now - i've always been quite happy with that before. but yesterday i had one of those in your face moments when all at once your sinfulness seems to come into sharp relief and i found myself willing on the perfection process, well actually i really wished i was perfect at that point.

i then began to wonder how it is that adrian plass writes humourously about his own failings in such a way that he comes out looking endearing and forgivable, when i'm fairly sure that i would look, well, not. which is an entirely weird tangent for my brain to go in, but there it is.

recently i've found that my main prayer is for God to make me love more - proper love, not the mushy sentimental manipulations that quite often appear in church communities, but that real truth bringing, life bringing love that comes from God. but it appears that the two steps forward and one back principle is in operation on this one.

on a completely different note, my daughter just walked in and said that she wants to find a bible verse to share with our group tonight - so i've sent her off to listen to the holy spirit in case he wants her to share something from her children's bible with our group. what a joy.

3 comments:

dennisthemennis.co.uk said...

I wont be cheesy and say you are perfect anyway but in some ways you are perfect. Anyway I think I know what your getting at and I too will pray that you give/get the love that your thinking of.

jody said...

aw den, thanks :-)

and thanks for praying, much appreciated - i have loads of people around me that i am so thankful for, who love me loads and know just what my weaknesses are, so i am quite lucky in that department, but y'know i just feel i made a crappy choice about something and there ain't no hiding from it - it's a 'hand's up, i stuffed this one up' confession...but i do know that God (and even some human beings) loves me, so i'll get over the fact that i'm not perfect after all, ha ha :-)

Rachel said...

Hi Jody

You have articulated what I think, especially at the moment but can not bring myself to articulate - thank you
X Rachel