so yesterday i posted a word on grace :)

perhaps the shortest post ever. it's been on my mind lately you see. a couple of posts ago i asked what grace means in the context of gender justice. but it's not just that. as i move on to ordained ministry, i think that grace is going to be the most fundamental need - both towards others and towards myself.

i know it's hard to believe *cough* but i can be quite high maintenance. i recognise that, among my weaknesses, i expect a lot of others and i expect a lot of myself. i guess there are positives that come with this - my ddo and my psychotherapist were great ones for telling me that my greatest weakness is also my greatest strength, in a 'flipside' kinda way. for one thing, i am really good as a friend, you would like me, honestly, you would. i remember important things and quite often the little details too, i'm 'present' with you, ferociously loyal, conscientious in what i do, reliable.

but in the end, it can prevent me from being okay with mistakes, especially my own - and i make plenty of mistakes; i say things i wish i didn't, i can put my foot in it really well, i demand too much and i can get cross if others don't get on board with me quickly. eek, nightmare child.

so, grace has been poking me in the head over the last month or so and i decided to pray for more of it in my life. and you know what - it's really hard! i've spent some time in recent years doing the hard work of giving myself a break, and i think i might have slipped off the wagon in the last 6 months. i suppose this isn't rocket science, what with my husband's health problems (we're still both calibrating that one), being accepted for ministry, getting ready to move etc etc, i could have anticipated a slight wobble.

back on the wagon then. grace for me, grace for others, grace from God.

rollin, rollin, rollin.....

No comments: